It's Not My Fault I Know Everything
By Jamie KellyBook - 2009
Jamie Kelly documents events in her diary as she becomes dog-in-laws with her enemy, Angeline, her class's journal-writing assignment goes badly wrong, and her friend Isabella starts being nice to Angeline.
Dear Dumb Diary,
I went back and read some of my very oldest diaries. The entries say things like "I eated salad dressing" and "I got a Barbie shoe stuck in Stinker's nose again" and "The vet was mean to me about the Barbie shoe so I tried to bite him but vets are quick at not getting bit because dogs try all the time but dogs don't usually kick so I did that."
What amazed me was just how dumb I used to be, considering how smart I am now. There must have been a day when I just woke up smart.
It's an eventful month for Jamie Kelly. Stinker and Stickybuns' litter of puppies has arrived -- which makes Jamie and her nemesis Angeline "in-laws by dog." Ugh.
Jamie's class at Mackerel Middle School is doing a unit on journal-writing, and someone's diary falls into the wrong hands.
But worst of all, Angeline and Isabella are becoming . . . friends.
Dear Dumb Diary,
It's not my fault I know everything.
Okay, I don't know where Timbuktu is, but I refuse to know that. Even if somebody told me, I would flush my brain like a thought-potty and wave goodbye to Timbuktu as it swirled down my brain hole.
I know everything that I WANT to know.
From the critics
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“How Superheroes Make Money:
- Spider-Man knits sweaters.
- Superman screw the lids on pickle jars.
- Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons.”
“I'm telling you, the gorgeous of the world can actually look pretty intimidating when they scowl. Imagine a snow-white swan with a scary tattoo holding a chain saw. There's just no way to really prepare for that.”
“Love makes the world go 'round but I'm pretty sure money has to do with it, too.”
“Things Isabella Wouldn't Care About:
- Titanic sinking again.
- Metror striking Earth and landing directly on top of world's most innocent panda.
- Titanic sinking again and this time the entire crew is puppies.”
“I had the great idea of using markers to gently color the ants so I could tell them apart, but I learned that this is exactly like somebody trying to gently color on you with a thirty-story building.
Without dwelling on the tragedy, I'd just like to say that I'm deeply sorry to Mr. Purple and the surviving Purple family.”
“This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.”
“Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog.”
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red_alligator_4472 thinks this title is suitable for 8 years and over
green_lion_371 thinks this title is suitable for between the ages of 8 and 14
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